My Go-To Process & Reflection Prompt Whenever I Feel Like I'm Going Nowhere

How to remove expectations, reframe comparisons, and rebuild momentum

Greetings from Croatia! 🇭🇷

Last week I had dinner with someone who felt stuck because they weren’t “growing.”

Curious to know more, I started to probe into the root of these feelings.

Specifically, I asked what comparison led to them—since a feeling of “lack” like this requires relative context.

They said it was a mix of 2 sources:

1. An external source: Seeing other people their age sharing progress (and feeling behind because of it)

2. An internal source: Thinking they should be further along based on some arbitrary timeline (again, feeling behind because of it)

This is a perfect example of an idea I wrote about last week. 

Satisfaction = reality — expectations.

For this person, the comparisons they made created a set of expectations. And since those expectations were ahead of their current reality, they felt inadequate.

As we continued talking, I shared how I struggled with those same feelings for a long time—26 of my 28 years to be exact.

But over the last 2 years, I’ve used a couple of mental reframes that helped me overcome them. 

Here’s the advice I shared, based on what worked for me:

• First, drop any external comparisons. Realize what you’re actually comparing yourself to—a curated highlight reel someone has shared on social media. It’s a movie trailer. It’s made up. You do not have the full picture. And if you did, you would realize it was not a situation you would enjoy nor trade in exchange for your current one. Recognize: there will always be someone who appears richer, more successful, better looking, more skilled, happier, etc. Staying trapped in this comparison hamster wheel leads to eternal dissatisfaction.

• Second, drop the comparison to your “ideal” self on some arbitrary timeline. Again, this is made up. At some point in the past, society gave you a series of milestones you should hit by a certain time, and you took it as fact. By this age, you should have this much money. Or this many children. Or this much prestige. Or this type of lifestyle. The list goes on and on—and none of it is real.

So—what to do instead?

This graphic sums it up perfectly.

From The Gap & The Gain by Dr. Benjamin Hardy, h/t Sun Kissed VA

Compare yourself only to the former version of you.

This creates an internal video game you can play forever.

• Rather than compare yourself to an endless rotation of external sources, you only play against yourself.

• And rather than highlighting your shortcomings, it highlights your progress (which will give you a feeling of longer-term momentum).

To make this actionable, here’s the prompt I use to make my progress more “tangible.”

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11-Question “Indicators of Growth” Reflection Prompt:

1. What problems am I facing today I would have once begged to have?

2. Who am I talking to today that I once greatly looked up to?

3. What am I doing without strain today that I once found extremely difficult?

4. What opportunities am I turning down today that I would have once immediately taken on?

5. What habits am I doing on autopilot today that I once struggled to stick with?

6. Who am I no longer speaking to today that I once spoke with daily (because I’ve outgrown the relationship)?

7. Whose opinions am I ignoring today that I once got caught up thinking about?

8. In what situations am I reacting rationally today that I once found overwhelming?

9. What areas did I used to be clueless about that I now have vast knowledge?

10. What am I okay not having today that I once put on a pedestal?

11. What do I have today that I once yearned to have?

Here’s the prompt as an image so you can easily download it to find later.

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How To Put This Exercise List Into Practice

• Step 1: Audit your comparisons. Are you comparing yourself against other people ahead of you? Or some arbitrary timeline you expected to be on? If so, how can you drop the expectation, or at least bring awareness to it?

• Step 2: Switch your comparison context to your former self (any age). I personally like to compare myself to 1) my 22-year-old self who had just graduated college and 2) my 14-year-old self who was just starting high school. But it even be yourself a month ago. Any of these will give you plenty of material for the next step.

• Step 3: Spend 45 minutes brain-dumping answers to these questions to show you how far you’ve come. I enjoy doing this handwritten on a slow Sunday morning over a frothy cappuccino. No internet, no notifications, no distractions—just the blank page and the freedom to write without a filter.

Now, in doing this exercise you might find you’ve made a lot of progress in some areas, but less in others. And this realization can be the foundation for new changes/initiatives/projects/habits etc., which is great! That means it worked.

But now, you’re setting intentions & making changes based on your own expectations, rather than someone else’s.

Give it a try and leave a like & comment to let me know what you think.

- Dickie